I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
