I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
