So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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