O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
