would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
