OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize