I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
