dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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