I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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