Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
