I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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