11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
