Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
