Can i not drive my cunt home
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
