i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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