maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
