apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
