I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
