you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ladies don't puke and tell
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
