i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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