I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
