i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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