I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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