The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize