omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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