if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Say something about gay babies.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
