I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
