I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
