All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
