Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
