This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
