Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
