I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
