I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
