Small penises have feelings too.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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