'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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