Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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