dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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