I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
