the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
