If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
