He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
