Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
