I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
