shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
