i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
