hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize