How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
