Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am midnight drunk by noon
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
