i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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