so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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