I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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