one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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