finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize