The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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