what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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