moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
