His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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