were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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