just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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