Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
