2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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