Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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