We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
