worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
