Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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