you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
