You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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