Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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