I hate all girls vehemently.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
