i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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