i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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