At least make sure they are 18
Why
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
