if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
