operation harelip BJ is a go
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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