Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
