Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
