Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sext me about skeletons
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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