But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
