I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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