hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
