You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
