the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
