he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
jump out the window naked night went bad
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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