I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I didn't notice because vodka
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
