I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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