Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
