I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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