I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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