so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
