I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize