Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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