Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
