all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
