I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
