Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
