chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I will pee on everything he values.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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