I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
my poor anus
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
