I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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