umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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