I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
