is wine microwaveable?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
