we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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