a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The chlamydia really affected his face.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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