You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
