Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
