Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
