since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I smell like Dick and happiness
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize