i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
