The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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