This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
