I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
