Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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