So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
