how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
