I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
