I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
