i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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