Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
