oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Actions speak louder than pants.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
