I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish I only lived at night.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
